Sick and funny jokes

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Offline DeathsDoor

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« Reply #255 on: September 08, 2014, 02:20:04 PM »
The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"
The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"
The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"
The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years, I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."
I tried to commit suicide one time...

I won't be trying that again I nearly fucking died.

Offline DW

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« Reply #256 on: September 09, 2014, 05:27:03 AM »

Sure, white people can't say the "n word" but at least we can say phrases like, "Thanks for the warning, Officer" and, "Hey, Dad." :tongue:



I tried being anorexic once,

I could binge like a motherfucker, but I just could'nt do the purge part.

Offline DeathsDoor

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« Reply #257 on: October 08, 2014, 08:17:42 PM »

Research shows that the golden fish is able to live in a small spherical aquarium, because it is extremely stupid, by the time it has done a full circle, it has forgotten everything and starts circling again and again, and again...

Now I see why Americans love NASCAR.
I tried to commit suicide one time...

I won't be trying that again I nearly fucking died.

Offline DW

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« Reply #258 on: November 17, 2014, 05:30:15 PM »

Research shows that the golden fish is able to live in a small spherical aquarium, because it is extremely stupid, by the time it has done a full circle, it has forgotten everything and starts circling again and again, and again...

Now I see why Americans love NASCAR.




I tried being anorexic once,

I could binge like a motherfucker, but I just could'nt do the purge part.

Offline DW

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« Reply #259 on: November 17, 2014, 05:50:43 PM »

Research shows that the golden fish is able to live in a small spherical aquarium, because it is extremely stupid, by the time it has done a full circle, it has forgotten everything and starts circling again and again, and again...

Now I see why Americans love NASCAR.


Britain has invented a new missile.

It's called the civil servant - it doesn't work and it can't be fired.
I tried being anorexic once,

I could binge like a motherfucker, but I just could'nt do the purge part.

Offline DeathsDoor

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« Reply #260 on: November 17, 2014, 06:10:14 PM »

Research shows that the golden fish is able to live in a small spherical aquarium, because it is extremely stupid, by the time it has done a full circle, it has forgotten everything and starts circling again and again, and again...

Now I see why Americans love NASCAR.







You liked it!!
I tried to commit suicide one time...

I won't be trying that again I nearly fucking died.

Offline DeathsDoor

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« Reply #261 on: November 17, 2014, 06:11:06 PM »

Research shows that the golden fish is able to live in a small spherical aquarium, because it is extremely stupid, by the time it has done a full circle, it has forgotten everything and starts circling again and again, and again...

Now I see why Americans love NASCAR.


Britain has invented a new missile.

It's called the civil servant - it doesn't work and it can't be fired.



They should all be shot. Lying bunch of cunts.
I tried to commit suicide one time...

I won't be trying that again I nearly fucking died.

Offline DW

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« Reply #262 on: November 17, 2014, 06:35:24 PM »

Research shows that the golden fish is able to live in a small spherical aquarium, because it is extremely stupid, by the time it has done a full circle, it has forgotten everything and starts circling again and again, and again...

Now I see why Americans love NASCAR.


Britain has invented a new missile.

It's called the civil servant - it doesn't work and it can't be fired.



They should all be shot. Lying bunch of cunts.




Only in Britain...do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and put our junk in the garage.

Only in Britain...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain...do Supermarkets make the sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
I tried being anorexic once,

I could binge like a motherfucker, but I just could'nt do the purge part.

Offline DW

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« Reply #263 on: November 17, 2014, 06:39:19 PM »

Deathsdoor went into a hardware store and asked to buy a sink.

'Would you like one with a plug?' asked the assistant.

'Don't tell me they've gone electric,' said Deathsdoor.
I tried being anorexic once,

I could binge like a motherfucker, but I just could'nt do the purge part.

Offline DW

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« Reply #264 on: November 17, 2014, 06:41:40 PM »

You know you're from Canada when ........


You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.


Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.


You find -40C a little chilly.


The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.


Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.


You choose a Halloween costume which fits over a snowsuit.


You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.


The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 3 pages for hockey.


You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.


You perk up when you hear theme from 'Hockey Night in Canada'.
I tried being anorexic once,

I could binge like a motherfucker, but I just could'nt do the purge part.

Offline DeathsDoor

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« Reply #265 on: November 17, 2014, 07:02:06 PM »

Deathsdoor went into a hardware store and asked to buy a sink.

'Would you like one with a plug?' asked the assistant.

'Don't tell me they've gone electric,' said Deathsdoor.
:demented:
I tried to commit suicide one time...

I won't be trying that again I nearly fucking died.

Offline DeathsDoor

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« Reply #266 on: February 23, 2015, 06:37:08 PM »

You can tell a lot about a person by their car.


For example, if it's in a ditch it belongs to a woman...


No laughing Bona :demented:
I tried to commit suicide one time...

I won't be trying that again I nearly fucking died.

Offline DeathsDoor

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« Reply #267 on: February 23, 2015, 06:38:47 PM »

Number of people killed by a gas chamber disguised as a shower:


Jews : 6 million
Muslims : 0
I tried to commit suicide one time...

I won't be trying that again I nearly fucking died.

Offline bonajazz

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« Reply #268 on: February 23, 2015, 09:36:42 PM »

You can tell a lot about a person by their car.


For example, if it's in a ditch it belongs to a woman...


No laughing Bona :demented:


 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Redheads make my world go 'round...

Offline DeathsDoor

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« Reply #269 on: February 23, 2015, 09:56:01 PM »

You can tell a lot about a person by their car.


For example, if it's in a ditch it belongs to a woman...


No laughing Bona :demented:


 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


 :grins:  Thought you'd find that funny.
I tried to commit suicide one time...

I won't be trying that again I nearly fucking died.